When we were six

Molly has always been impulsive. Loud, attention-seeking and even
violent behaviour has often covered up her kind and loving core.
We try to make space for her, but squashed in the middle, we often
see her frustrated and angry. It’s difficult to be a six year old,
particularly with a slightly older sister who is very good at everything
and a toddling little sister who eats up a lot of attention.

It was the day after our big party: a party at which Molly had been in
her element. Lots of children to play with, and lots of Aunties to jump
on and Uncles to run away from shrieking. She’d loved every moment
and there were comments about how like Piotrus she was.

Ah yes, Piotrus.

We had promised the girls a swim in the hotel pool before we left.
We had our wedding at that hotel, and the big girls’ christenings
and yet we’d never made it to the pool. Elsie discovered at 8.35am
that it would only be open until 9am, so she and Molly went ahead
with Granny and Gra Gra. I was still in the changing room with
Louise, changing her dirty nappy and getting her ready for the water,
when Molly reappeared, shaking and crying. 

‘What’s wrong Molly?’ I asked in an even voice, struggling to hold
Louise on the bench and pull her costume up over her swim nappy.
Molly didn’t answer, just kept crying. I should have gone over and
given her a hug. Taken time to find out what was going on. Instead
I was holding back an enthusiastic toddler, who had figured out
what we were doing and was now pulling me towards the pool
shouting ‘Ba! Ba!’ her version of ‘bath’ which she also applies to
any large body of water. ‘Molly, talk to me. What happened?’

Mum appeared and when I saw her face I knew it was not a childish
argument that had provoked Molly’s tears. ‘She just jumped in.’ she
said, ‘the lifeguard saved her.’ I didn’t have time to process what she
was saying. ‘I thought she’d heard me say where was hallow enough
for her to go, and she was safe in the jacuzzi. I turned my back for
one moment to see to Elsie and then I just heard this splash...’

I only started shaking later, when we’d established that the lifeguard
had noticed Molly jump into the deep end, seen her panicked splashing
and dived in right away to get her out. My mind only started going over
what could have been when we had gone over with her again how
important it is to listen to people, how we say things not to stop her fun
but to keep her safe. I only let myself feel gratitude for the lifeguard,
and thank him profusely, when I’d had a big cuddle and the tears had
overflowed and we’d explained how scary it had been for everyone,
especially for her.

Later that morning, just before starting our long journey home, we took
the flowers we’d received as gifts to the cemetery, so they would not
go to waste. ‘These we’ll give to my grandparents, your great-
Grandparents’ Marek said. ‘And these to my brother.’ 

Molly looked up in surprise. ‘Your brother?’ Elsie remembered from last
time, but Molly was too little to take it in then. 

Piotrus was another impulsive six year old. He didn’t like to listen either
and refused to hold his grandmother’s hand as he was asked. When he
ran into the road and was killed, his mother was pregnant with Marek’s
older sister. Marek never knew him, but he had a brother. My heart always
breaks at that graveside, but that day, it was almost unbearable.